Blank Notes

ALIEN LLAMA

So about a year ago, I created some Sims. Their names were Matt Grevey (named after the fastest swimmer in Illinois history, Matt Grevers) and Hailor (a name that just came to me, but I believe I will attribute it to Hailey's Comet). What makes them such awesome awesome Sims is that one is a human and one is an ALIEN! I had long been fascinated with the ability to create odd Sims in the Sims 2 (you can create vampires, zombies, ghosts, werewolves, robots, plant Sims, and big foot). When I stumbled upon the cheat code allowing me to access these different skins, I jumped at the opportunity to make an entire movie based around an alien Sim. Aliens were a particular favorite of mine, because they were the most normal of all the extraneous creatures in the game, and now I could control one!

So I made Matt and Hailor. I didn't really need a backstory, but my mind created one anyway. It's rather simple, rather archaic story line. Gorgeous Alien comes to Earth to observe general human behavior and acquire information. Matt is a complete bum of a human being. He's a twenty-something and generally ignorant about the world. If he had an occupation, it would probably be something stupid or creative, like the illustrator for a web comic, or a video game tester. I guess, due to some fantastic fate, Hailor ends up living with Matt, because besides being a failure, he actually lives in a rather large/awesome house.

Eventually they fall in love, because there's nothing as romantic as intergalactic/interspecies love. Originally, the Matt and Hailor pair (I've made them about four different times), ended up getting Matt pregnant with an alien baby, and had two dogs (one was green). The second time I made them, I made them have cinematic adventures, which involved getting trapped in parallel universes, Matt becoming a teenager, and their adoption of two robots into the household.

Recently, I made them again on my laptop. I can't make videos because laptops are generally slow and unimpressive, but I recently added more drama and dialogue to the imagined show I call Alien Llama.

Here we go:

Context: Matt is sitting in the foyer of his house. Hailor has been missing since six o'clock the previous afternoon.

Matt: Where were you? I've been worried sick!
Hailor: At Kenneth's house.
Matt: For 24 hours? What were you doing, ha-- AH! No way! AH!
Hailor: What?
Matt: Gross.
Hailor: Many humans--
Matt: No! I don't want a sex talk from an alien. You can't see him, ever, again.
Hailor: Matt, you are being irrational.
Matt: Pi is irrational. I am NOT pi. And you are NOT seeing Kenneth ever again!
Hailor: But I enjoy his company.
Matt: Did you ever think maybe I enjoy yours?
Hailor: But now you are simply being selfish. Also you have Jaden to hang out with.
Matt: I had Jaden. I would much rather hang out with you.
Hailor: *blank stare*
Matt: ...also Kenneth's gross.
Hailor: Your attempts to slander Kenneth have dissolved into poorly formulated arguments. Also your heart is racing. I believe you are jealous.
Matt: maybe I'm in love... No I'm not.
Hailor: Regardless, you are attracted to me sexually.
Matt: What?!
Hailor: I've been analyzing your pupil dilation when you observe me and have compared it to your average. You want to have--
Matt: Hold-up, that's private info. So what? You're attractive.
Hailor: I believe that you are currently facing an inner conflict--
Matt: i'd say...
Hailor: You want to not only be my guide on planet earth, but you also want to be my lover. Yet you do not believe you can be a mentor, friend, and lover simultaneously.
Matt: Okay. That may be true. What do you think?
Hailor: I believe what I have said is true. I also believe that your thoughts on this subject are not well formulated because your mind is being clouded by immense sexual tension.
Matt: ... and?
Hailor: I think you should have sex with me.
Matt: that was rather blatant... are you SERIOUS?!
Hailor: I know not how to be anything but.
Matt: But you just slept with Kenneth!
Hailor: If sleep is a euphemism for sex, I can assure you I did not sleep with him.
Matt: But you were--
Hailor: Helping him develop a more effective alien model for his video game.
Matt: I could kiss you.
Hailor: I believe that we should.
Matt: And you're fine with that?
Hailor: I believe that it's in both our interests.
Matt: This is awkward.
Hailor: Awkward is just a word used to label contexts.
Matt: Dammit! You're turning me on.
Hailor: I believe you are stalling. I also believe that in movies, this would be the time for you to embrace me, we could kiss for a while, eventually our clothes would come off, and we would eventually have sex.
Matt: I think it's a good idea I let you watch HBO.
Step 4: MACK OUT!

The inspiration for Hailor is undoubtedly Tenel Ka from Star Wars novels. Whereas Tenel Ka always says, "This is so" or "This is true", Hailor just uses "I believe" a lot. The inspiration for Matt is PROBABLY Nick Matchen (do you still read this?!), because he talks a lot when he's nervous, which I always find amusing.