SPW--overview

That faint voice yelling at me from far, far away persisted and now I can't hear in my right ear. It's very bothersome, because I have enough trouble going to sleep in near absolute silence. Now I have to try and sleep with that noise, its subtle blare. I won't be able to handle this one.

I've also been painfully sober for the last two days. I shouldn't be able to drive during SPW. Yet somehow I managed to drive four times within the last fourteen hours. I've had maybe five, six drinks today? What's up with that? I want to say this has been a horrible SPW, but then I was thinking to myself...

Maybe it's the best SPW ever. For the past two years, SPW has been a crazy weekend where I hook up with people and wander around Hamilton, New York, getting dangerously close to contracting mononucleosis and other equally disturbing (or disgusting) diseases. This year, it rained. It rained. I danced a lot. I danced well. I heard dubstep. I did not hook up with anyone. I think my heart was broken twice. Some of my friends flaked out on me. I became desperate. I woke up in the middle of the night (see last post, eventually published around 6:23am) with my heart beating to a hypertensive rhythm and panic flooding my rib cage. Why? Why would someone talk to you if they didn't like you? Why? Why are there nice people? Why? Jesus. What was this feeling of getting rejected twice? It was anger. Straight up anger. But it was also sadness.

Well, yes. SPW looked very much like it was going to suck. And then, somehow, I snapped out of it. Dunkacinnos, drinking contests with the Pep Band, driving through the rain with my top down. Ho's goin be ho's, amen lil' wayne. Amen. I have morals now. It's fucking scary. Someone asked me to hook up with them yesterday, and I said no? Why did I say no? Because their personality traits, while adorable, coupled with their attractiveness, produced an overall pathetic picture and probably would have wasted my night? What? Who the hell are you, elora apantaku? And what have you done with Elora apantaku?

I don't know how to feel. But I feel happy. And really angry. But definitely not sad. Thank God. So when I'm walking around campus next week looking like I'm going to kill you and your family, it's because I could if I would but I won't because you're not worth the trouble or the time, and yea, my life's already worked out so I'm going to make it out fine.