Blank Notes: Disney Hipster Princess (subtitle: I wanna be where the PBR)

Hipster Disney Princesses were a collection of pretty funny memes. The humor derives from the fact that hipsters are obnoxious, edgy, and/or cool, whereas Disney princesses are well-behaved, predictable, and a little too fluffy to be "cool." Mixing two dissimilar things creates humor (actually, my mom said that today; she must be a hilarious woman). But let me be completely honest right now:

I fucking love the little mermaid. And not in any silly ironic way. Straight. Pure. Love.

Why? I don't know exactly why, but I'll list off some reasons:

1) The original Danish version has the Little Mermaid behaving in a manner most Echo-esque, a mythological character I have always related to.

2) Swimming?! SWIMMING! I spent too many hours swimming in my pool as a little kid, and because I was raised on the Little Mermaid (it was released the year of my birth), it made the most sense for me to relate to a swimming character (Aladdin, go fuck yourself).

Then eventually when I had been swimming too much I would sing to myself: "Sick of swimming... ready to stand!" see 7.

3) Did you know? Ariel's hair was modeled after a female Astronaut. How freakin' sweet is that?! And to this day, Ariel is the only redhead whom I feel comfortable trusting. DON'T. TRUST. GINGERS. Though, I think Ariel might be a day walker. Idk. Idc.

4) Marine Biology. Hey! Flounder doesn't look like an actual Flounder! It's these small mistakes that keep me coming back, time and time again.

5) Jamaican accent'd crab. Nuff said.

6) Evil lesbian as opposed to evil gay. Did you know most Disney villain's are homosexuals? Well, at least Ursula is a female half-octopus. I don't know what I'd do if she was a dude. Do you think any of Disney's villains are actually transexuals?!

7) Part of Your World is my favorite song Disney has ever made (not entirely true... Part of Your World is my favorite song that you hear in a Disney movie. My favorite of all time is "Once Upon A Dream" from Sleeping Beauty, but not the way they sing it in the movie... No. Only the Jazz versions will do (am i a hipster now? please?)) But back to the little mermaid, don't think that I do not sing snippets of Part of Your World as I walk around my house... because I do. All the time.

Actually, another fun fact, the last time I watched the Little Mermaid was about seven months ago. I was dismayed that Ariel's voice was so high pitched. It's displeasing, because as a kid she sounded and seemed very intelligent (more intelligent than her slut older sisters... just saying). So anyway. I was the Little Mermaid in kindergarten. My mom let me decorate a pair of white Keds with cloth paint, and I drew a ton of little shells on them. I also had a Fro at the time, so... yes...

Later in my life, yes, I would buy a shell bra. But I mean, who wouldn't? Especially if you have a costume crate that's like... a quarter the size of your admittedly over-sized closet?

Unfortunately, the most prominent outfit Ariel wears on land is her wedding dress. Which is gross and blue and sequiny... flashy. SURPRISE! I have worn a disgusting blue sequin dress. I mean, it looked cute on me... kind of. But it was from the 80s (once again, thanks mom!) But I don't look good in blue. It's a white person color.

So what's my favorite of Ariel's land outfits? Clearly her first one! Which consists of a swaddle of clothe and what looks like flotsam and jetsam (not the evil eels... riff raff... the actual definition of flotsam and jetsam). Nothing says: "I'm fucking hot all the time," than looking adorable in a horrifically tied sail.

So I made that dress. I made it sexier, of course (I'm not 16...). But I tried to capture the complete spontaneous mess that was probably dressing yourself for the first time, and trying to look hot enough for a stranger to fall in love with you immediately. Indeed, I sewed some of this dress together while it was still on my body. I used a total of two pins. Otherwise I just eyeballed things. For not using a pattern, and not really making dresses before, I think this turned out well. I used two of my favorite elements: plunging neck line, and non-compatible skirt lengths. Throw in my favorite pair of hipster (PRESCRIPTION) glasses, and the entire outfit idea is totally FTW. I wish I was still in college so I could through a Disney Hipster Princess party... Sigh. I'm an adult now. Infinite sadness...

Just kidding. Fucking awesome:

Asymmetrical Hem for the Win

For some reason I distinctively remember the flotsam and jetsam she used as being rope or a belt. Maybe that was just wishful thinking, because I own rope... and belts... but not a ton of flotsam or jetsam.