Self-Loathing and a Bottle

I can't stand it anymore. How weak some women get. It drives me insane that a society could force women to place all their happiness on any one man's approval. What an absurd concept: seeking purpose by constantly trying to please someone that isn't yourself.

And now I've lost it. It being the respect I had for so many women I used to care about. But it is hard to care about someone who can't care about themselves... about someone who would rather drive drunk and die than be alone for any amount of time and attempt to understand who they are without the deconstructive lens of another person's personality.

It makes me sick and what's worse is I don't find myself hating men for this. I hate the women. So now I hate myself for becoming so twisted up in this... whatever this is... a sick societal game where half the population is forced into eventual suffering.

Although, before I become all high and mighty... It is true that I am not perfect.... In the past I would have gladly changed myself if it could garner the attention and/or affection of someone I was attracted to. Countless examples of me floundering to get what I wanted spring to mind. Now, honestly, I am enraged that I was like that at all, and even more enraged that there are women I once respected--women who are older than me (so much older)--that haven't yet realized this for themselves.

Men will die before you (statistically true). Men will cheat (statistically true). Men will disregard you if it conveniences them even a little (not statistically true but it feels accurate). More importantly, men will physically and emotionally abuse you (also, statistically likely). Why then, would you invest in them? Invest in them so much that your life means nothing if you were to lose them? Why, then, would you, upon finding your relationship falling apart, let yourself immediately transform into an alcoholic?

Escapism into a world where the minutes you spend alone fly by as if they never happened.

Because to be left alone would be...

Terrible since you...

You... yourself... are so...

Unsustainable.

Alone.