I want to spin out the words, semi-sensical and fast. I want my voice to crescendo and fade away like waves across Lake Michigan, like screams on a roller coaster. I want someone to listen to me for once and be as confused as I am. How did I manage to live like this? Two decades, all the same. Now every day seems so stagnant. I only think of this. I cry. I am confused.
You have to help me. Anything else, I'd gladly do alone:
Push on a tire swing;
Sing myself to sleep.
Run away from home,
Hold memories I can't keep.
I used to think I was brave, but then why this fear?
This is my last battle. After this, the only person to hate will be myself. If that's all there is--self-loathing until my last breath--then maybe you can listen to me for just a short while.
Maybe you'll understand.
Maybe I won't be crazy.
Maybe things will make sense.
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