Religion.

I was thinking to myself today that it would be nice if I was religious. This is a weird thought for me, because usually, I hate religion. But I was thinking today it would be nice if I was religious if only because a large amount of African-Americans are religious. And I wondered to myself exactly why that matters to me. And I realized that it was because I want to treat African-Americans primarily. Primarily? Yes, perhaps. I don't think I would be happy under-treating African-Americans. I think I would be quite pissed off at myself for feeding the system.

To be able to make a difference is exhilarating.
Happiness is sharing what you have with people who don't have as much as you have.

So I was thinking to myself how difficult it would be to have a conversation about health with someone who is religious, regardless of race. And then I realized I could easily do it. I am a religious person. I hate religion, but I believe in morals. I don't necessarily believe anyone is watching over me, making sure I'm doing alright. I certainly don't believe in an afterlife. But I could easily say that I do things for the greater good. My moral compass isn't set to benefit my selfish nature. Striking up a conversation with a stranger, turning in applications on time--these things I find difficult and unappealing, but I do them because I want to do right. I want to do good. So maybe I could be religious. I can fake believing in an arbitrary figure.

I hate religion. But I hate religion only because I feel it is weak, a weak excuse. Born again Christians are the worst. They jumped to Christianity only because they could not rely on themselves to get themselves out. Out of what? Out of whatever--depression, abuse, helplessness, hopelessness. I think I am only bitter because I didn't have a way out of depression, abuse, etcetera except for myself. But I got out. If I change my understanding of religion, maybe I can appreciate a lot more people.

Here's to praying.