There are some things I wish I could remember long enough for them to actually become "rules to live by"--or at least adages that keep me sane and happy and ready to wake up tomorrow morning when the sun finally stops being a lazy, hide-me-away, coquettish-stellar-orb of fusion-derived-energy hiding somewhere, giving its radiative love to the other side of the world. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to remember things for very long. I've written down the ways I want to raise my still-not-expected children in notebooks that have been, one suspects, wedged into the wooden seams between my childhood's bunk bed. I've saved e-mails in folders that have long been deleted. I've kept a blog that I've deleted and another that I never go back to read (surprise! it's this one!)
So here are some rules I'll write down here. I'll probably never reference them again. But at least I can say, at one time or another, I was smart.
1. Be wary of people who say they know you better than you know yourself*.
(*unless you don't know yourself at all.)
2. If I can't sing songs about you, I can't love you.
3. There are gorgeous, put-me-in-the-movies!, type people who don't think they're attractive. Make these people your friends--an aesthetic pick-me-up in the form of a humble friend.
4. If I can write song lyrics about you, you're too complicated for me to love.
5. The American dream is a lie--unless you can achieve your wildest dreams.
6. Being beautiful can only make people like you to an extent.
7. Ordinary people can be prettier than Ms. Universe*.
(*Claiming superiority over the entire universe is rather assuming of earth.)
8. Intelligence is important. But "being smart" rarely makes a difference.
9. Semi-colons impress people more than a British accent.
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