Troubles

When I was in the early years of my teenage life--namely 11 through 18--I always thought I was so messed up. I thought my parents didn't love me as much as other parents loved their own kids. I thought I was borderline crazy--or at least schiZophrenic. I thought I was so dysfunctional that nobody would ever love me or want me as a friend. I imagined myself dying alone in a dark room. I was so scared for my far off future that my dying day was all I could think about for the longest time. Distracted from school work and paralyzed in most social situations, I spent high school pretty much scared to do anything intelligent. I fumbled around. I slept around. I often tried to drowned. (fun fact, drowning is really hard to do if you're a swimmer who isn't completely suicidal).
But big deal, none of this is new information. I was depressed. But guess what, imagined audience? Feeling as if my life was completely worthless definitely helped me to become a stronger
Person today. Because a lot of people come from fucked up backgrounds. But they never talk about it. Everyone tries to front like they tough when really they're just as lost a you. Or more. Oh well. It would have helped to know about the struggles of others when I was spending day after day trying so hard just to stay alive. But whatever. If you're friends can't be real wih you, then they probably aren't your friends.

Bottom line: it's never as bad as you think, because people always selfishly shield you from he truth.

(this was written while tipsy on an iPhone)