They had probably had had sex, and I had probably failed my fourth neuro exam. I tried to tell myself that they were just two random events, both indirect and invalid evaluations of my character. Sure, I could have been sexier, and I could have known more about the human brain, but these were just trivial changes in the way I was.
It wasn't my fault. These things weren't my fault. Because I was really actually uncertain about these two events, I had no idea about relationship of the former, and I hadn't checked my grade on the latter, this thought comforted me, because in fact, there was a great probability that none of these things had actually happened. The world is a crazy place, full of random actions, and I, I would always have random thoughts to try and sort everything out. But I didn't want lies, and I also didn't want uncertain truth. I just didn't want to know. I wanted to be ignorant about both of these things. And as I clutched my pillow in the twilight's darkness, I prided myself in my recollection of tears, my stoic reserve, knowing well enough, but not willing to mention to myself, that when the details of these two things became clear to me, I would not be so strong.
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